Yesterday was my dad’s birthday. I call him Deuta. He is a centenarian now! Having him around me the past 19 yrs of my life I never realized life could be so incomplete without your father around you. But since the past 5 years that I have been away from him really made me wish that I were small again… back at the time when I could cling on to him whenever I wished!
Now when I look back at my early years I realized that the earliest memory I have is also of a day with dad. My first day at school! I remember him coming with me to my Alma matter SJC. I remember being quite composed all the way to school and even after entering the gates. It was an alien territory for me. But even then I had felt secured. I was secured that Deuta won’t leave me alone.
My father must have thought that his daughter is a brave little girl; composed even in the midst of all the crying and wailing of my classmates. I was walking quite confidently beside my father, confident of the fact that he is not going to abandon me in this new place. But then I suddenly realized that I was walking alone. He was not there with me anymore. I turned back only to find him waiting and asking me to go forward, waving and encouraging me to take the final steps alone. It was then that the stark reality gripped me. I suddenly realized that now my father is not going to go any further with me and that I shall be left alone. Out of my secured little world….Fear started surging through me and I lost all composure. I didn’t want to disappoint him but could hold it no longer. It started with a weep …and then went beyond control. Deuta dint know what to do. I am sure his heart must have broken seeing his daughter losing her composure. But then I couldn’t help it either. I just looked at him and went on crying. No words spoken…. but I am sure he knew what I wanted to say….Just as he does even today…
Now when I look back at my early years I realized that the earliest memory I have is also of a day with dad. My first day at school! I remember him coming with me to my Alma matter SJC. I remember being quite composed all the way to school and even after entering the gates. It was an alien territory for me. But even then I had felt secured. I was secured that Deuta won’t leave me alone.
My father must have thought that his daughter is a brave little girl; composed even in the midst of all the crying and wailing of my classmates. I was walking quite confidently beside my father, confident of the fact that he is not going to abandon me in this new place. But then I suddenly realized that I was walking alone. He was not there with me anymore. I turned back only to find him waiting and asking me to go forward, waving and encouraging me to take the final steps alone. It was then that the stark reality gripped me. I suddenly realized that now my father is not going to go any further with me and that I shall be left alone. Out of my secured little world….Fear started surging through me and I lost all composure. I didn’t want to disappoint him but could hold it no longer. It started with a weep …and then went beyond control. Deuta dint know what to do. I am sure his heart must have broken seeing his daughter losing her composure. But then I couldn’t help it either. I just looked at him and went on crying. No words spoken…. but I am sure he knew what I wanted to say….Just as he does even today…
4 comments:
i liked the part where u found out tht ur dad wasnt goin to educate himself once again :D
nice blog :) brought back some memories for me as well :)
it sure did bring back memories of my childhood..my first day @ school...n my deta...hae u remembr we shared d same desk in kg???
btw it's anushmita here...:)
surely a daddy's girl
sweet one........
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